The A Team, but not as you know it
by JTripper
Summary: A group of S class shinobi were sent to prison for a crime they didn't commit. These ninja managed to escape and fled into Fire Country underground. Today, still wanted by the Mizukage and Hokage, they survive as shinobis of fortune. This is their story.


The characteristics of the shinobi featured will be a mesh-up of their personalities in Naruto, A-Team and bit random. Little of bit of bashing, but all in good spirit and part of the story.

**I don't own Naruto or A-Team. Grizzle is my own creation.**

_A group of S class missing-nin were sent to prison for a crime they didn't commit. With the aid of friends, these ninja managed to escape and fled into Fire Country underground. Today, still wanted by the Miızukage and Hokage, they survive__ as shinobis of fortune. This is their story._

**1. Chapter 1 - Enter the team**

It was a very hot day in the outer skirts of Fire Country. In the shades provided by oak trees stood five shinobi, all wearing black cloaks bearing red clouds. Hungry, yet determined, they were patiently waiting for midday before proceeding to their rendezvous point with a client. Sunny days were becoming increasingly frequent in the Land of Fire; the scorching sun appeared to be getting angrier by the day. Every sunrise was the beginning of a torture session for those out in the open fields and travellers alike.

These torture sessions were unbearable for some. It was not uncommon for intelligent individuals to abandon rational thinking, answer rhetorical questions and hallucinate.

The bright angry sun was standing directly above their head. It did not remotely show any signs of moving or settling down. Eventually, standing around patiently became unbearable for the restless Hidan, who could not tolerate it any longer. He looked up to the sky and gazed at the sun.

"Hmmph. How much longer till midday" he murmured.

A second delayed response came from one of the shinobi standing next to him. "Not long now. Be patient."

"This shit is shit. It's so hot. I can't stand this anymore!"

He was ignored once more. Shrugging his shoulders, Hidan was not sure of what else to do. "Ah man, come on"

Haphazardly, Deidara also looked up to the sky and appeared to speak to himself. "Is it? Ahuh... Okay...Yes I hear you... Okay lemme check, yeah." It was not unusual for Deidara to speak to himself, or to random objects. Not unusual at all.

Subsequently the blonde walked out of the shadows as he grabbed a handful of clay from his yellow man bag, feeding it to his left hand-mouth. His weird little hand-mouth chewed the clay and seemed to have swallowed it, before it spat out an odd looking grey stick about 2 feet long. He jabbed the stick into the ground and examined the shadow cast by the sun on the surface below the stick. Shaking his head, the blonde spoke up. "Allright guys...The sun says he's not going to move 'cause he can't be bothered. The shadow says the sun is at its zenith, yeah. So we should probably leave like, after we eat, un."

"Well thank Jashin-sama for that." a relieved Hidan replied. He first looked at the bright angry sun, then at the stick, then at Deidara. '_Damn that's some weird shit' _he whinged quietly under his breath_. _

"What's the weird shit?"

With that comment Hidan was left puzzled and bemused. "Huh, say what?"

"You're forgetting I've got very sensitive hearing."

"How could I forget Kakuzu - B1 and B2. Your little sensitive ears. Useless for shit! Did they hear what Deidara said before? The crazy fool said – "

"We've been through this before". Kakuzu interrupted. "Deidara is an important member of our team. Anyway, it's probably noon so we should head out. Our client should be waiting for us further east, near the Final Valley. The money he offers is reasonable but there's no reason for us to arrive there early. It could blow our cover."

'_Blah blah blah…'_ Hidan whimpered under his breath once more, mocking his close friend. Then much louder, doing his best Kakuzu impersonation, he squealed "**Did you hear that B2? I think I did B1. Ahh, I love it when a plan comes along. Ahh, I love big hippopotamus peni-"**

The masked man began to lose his temper. He lost his cool and grabbed the immortal by the collar. "Hidan consider this your final warning. I don't care if you can't die; I will cut your left testicle off and stitch it on top of your head."

Predictably Hidan was unfazed by such a threat. "Ah, settle down teddy bear. What was I gonna say… oh yes we should eat, just like the crazy fool said. Besides it's almost been 6 hours. It is time…." said the silver-haired man as he drew his triple-bladed scythe. "…For my sacrifice! Who's hungry?"

"Me."

"I'm hungry."

"Food, yeah, lets eat un."

"…."

* * *

They say that a prison can change a man. Many full moons ago, imprisoned for a crime he did not commit, Hidan momentarily became very confused and lost. Spending up to 20 hours in a dark, urine stinking cell with Deidara, who literally spent all of his day talking to his hand-mouths and the decomposing wall, would take its toll on anyone - let alone the silver-haired immortal. His one and only salvation, violent sacrifices in the name of Jashin, were a mere distant memory as his crimson triple-bladed scythe was confiscated.

Unsure of what to do, Hidan spent his days wondering and questioning his once undeniable faith. He regularly spoke to his mentor and close friend Kakuzu, who suspiciously provided counselling for free, frequently reminding Hidan that "…you need to find something you believe in to help you cope, whether this be Jashin, Buddha, Shiva, Christ or whatever." Kakuzu himself coped quite well with prison life actually, surviving by his love of money (he ran a secret betting ring which involved taking bribes from guards, blackmailing fellow inmates and trafficking Cuban cigars, Absinthe and McDonalds burgers – a story for another time). When free from his betting ring duties, the masked man would try to come up with means of escape –one of his better plans ultimately led to their escape.

As days passed by in prison, Hidan gradually succumbed to depression. He had virtually lost his faith in Jashin, accepting that without violent sacrifices, he was no longer a true believer. Until one day he met an old man with a grizzly black beard. The old man, a former inmate and current correctional support worker, was known as Grizzle. In fact, Grizzle was an Uchiha, although he never was able to awaken his sharingan. For this reason he was shunned upon by his clan. He was a laughing stock; not a single day passed by where his name was not mentioned in mockery at the Konoha Police Force headquarters. In the end, Grizzle left his home in exile, wowing never to return again.

Eventually he was forgotten and to date, nobody was aware of neither his existence nor his origin. Except for Itachi, also part of Hidan, Kakuzu & Deidara's team & imprisoned at the time, and of course, Madara (whom informed Itachi in one of their many 'private meetings' prior to Uchiha Clan Massacre). During his self-imposed exile, the old Grizzle never settled anywhere and kept travelling around the shinobi world. He met many people along his journey and was ultimately persuaded by a con man selling pamphlets to become a follower of Jashinism. Despite the fact that Jashinism encouraged pointless violence, Grizzle fell in love with it. For the first time in his life he had a purpose, an acceptance. Itachi believed that Grizzle's violent sacrifices to please Jashin eventually landed Grizzle in hot water and a tip off by a Jashin-hater led to his capture and imprisonment

Angry, lonely, and unable to sacrifice, Grizzle questioned his faith – much like Hidan. Until one day, both due to lack of choice and the peaceful nature of prison life, he decided he was done with sacrificing flesh and blood to appease his god.

Instead he was going to sacrifice and share what he loved second most in the world; ice cream.

It was the only yet the most befitting decision the old man could have made, combining both of his loves together – Jashin and ice-cream. With the help of Kakuzu, 7 kilograms of ice-cream was imported illegally into cells and Grizzle began to cut up ice-cream pieces and give it to people at first using a rusty razor blade, and after his release with his scythe.

_If it is good enough for me, if it makes me happy, it is good enough for Jashin-sama_ became Grizzle's motto.

In that special day, when Grizzle shared ice-cream with the silver-haired man in the name of Jashin, Hidan was born again. The immortal had discovered his faith a new.

* * *

Back to present day. Holding his crimson scythe with one hand, Hidan pulled out a tub of ice-cream with the other. Using his weapon, the immortal sliced the tub open.

"…."

"…."

"…."

"…."

"Can someone say something?"

"I actually don't mind eating ice-cream again. I just didn't say anything because –"

"Kisame did I give you permission to speak?" the Swordsman of the Mist was interrupted rudely by the Uchiha.

"No Itachi-sama…." Kisame replied, bowing his head down in distress. He was _always_ rudely interrupted. Although it was a while ago now, Itachi just could not seem to forgive Kisame for what he did. Oblivious to Itachi, Kisame was very sorry and lived in guilt.

"Then shut up. Anyway…." continued Itachi. "Hidan don't get me wrong, it's great that you've stoped slashing innocent people for no reason, and it's nice that that you're sharing ice-cream with us and all, but I really think eating ice-cream every six hours is making my ass fatter."

Deidara could not help but look at the handsome man's backside. "Yeah, un…." he murmured. "It is getting, like, waaay bigger".

"I know…Its bad for my image."

"Its allright Itachi, I understand…" expressed Hidan, in a calm manner. He then rolled his head and angrily stated "But all pieces must be consumed! It is Jashin-sama's will!"

Itachi rapidly came up with a clever idea. "Ok Hidan there's no need to act like a bad ass. Since he doesn't mind it, Kisame will also eat my share. Right Kisame?"

"Yes Itachi-sama…"

Meanwhile, Deidara was still staring at Itachi's buttocks. Inside his subconscious, he could hear funny thoughts. _If you keep eating ice-cream, soon your ass will be fat like that, un_. His heart began to beat a million miles an hour as he felt very anxious. Yes, the blonde was afraid to put on a few extra kilos.

"Hidan I really don't feel like eating ice-cream, yeah. It's bad for my image, un."

"You crazy fool you just said you were hungry before."

Kakuzu had enough of their chatter and decided to break his silence. "Ok guys, this is taking way too long. Kisame, I'm sorry but can you please just eat Deidara's share also. Hell with it, eat my share too. Otherwise we'll be arguing till sunset."

"Yeah fine… ok ill do it… But…"

"But what Kisame? Just eat the fucking thing."

"Hey!"

"Sorry Hidan. Kisame, I said please."

Kisame stuck his finger inside the sticky tub. "It's all melted!"

"…No its not are you blind."

"Bullshit."

"Un?"

"Kisame did I give you permission to – "

"Guys please….Its melted….its all liquid…look….no solids…."

Although the ice-cream had clearly melted under the extreme heat, no one in the team but Kisame could see that. While Itachi wasn't nice to Kisame, the rest usually treated him well enough. In this instance something weird _was_ really going on.

"Ahh fuck it…ill just drink it….the stupid heat wave has screwed you all."

So Kisame proceeded to slurp a tub full of melted ice-cream, under the watchful eyes of Kakuzu, Itachi and Hidan.

Hidan was smiling.

Kakuzu was relieved. _Ah, I love it when a plan comes along._

Itachi was worried (about his backside).

Deidara was starring at Itachi's backside (and worried about his own).

Few moments later, the swordsman finished slurping. The shinobi then began walking towards their rendezvous point.

As they walked past the oak trees, Kisame's stomach growled wildly. "Guys, I'm not feeling too good…."

**Next chapter: The team meets their client, Suigetsu Hozuki. What does he want? What's changed about Deidara? ****Why is Itachi such a bastard? More revealed about Kakuzu's prison betting ring, and Kisame's stomach. **


End file.
